Thursday, August 24, 2006
If you ever stopped to look around, like I did, you would agree with me that most people who had rough lives, or have dozens of siblings, or had lived literally in a “war-zoned-country” are people who eventually became successful in their lives. Not really because they are like desperate to get a better life, But rather of them knowing what they want and how badly they want it that really made the difference.
They dared, they dared to dream high.
Sometimes, I secretly wished I had their courage to dream really big, but at the end of the day, that mysterious force never fails to convince me that I really do not deserve it. Part of me wanted to like ignore it, but the rest of me were seriously conscious of the reality. -Pessimistically- my world turns grey. Like old time enemies, actions from the past crept up to me, words I said rang in my ears loudly, selfish thoughts I had reminded me of my evil half, and things I failed to do made me regret. Little bits and pieces of me and my past reminded me, that I do not deserve my dreams. And yet again, ironically, I never stopped dreaming.
At this point of life, I wished I had no worldly worries or emotions so that I can charged forward and embrace my dreams, sadly, thats not the case. I wished I could know that I am making the right decisions, and I wished to be equipped with all the knowledge I need to win my dreams, because i know I need to win my life before it wins me. I really hate this, I hate having to fight hard to know that im still alive. If I could ever stop and wait for everything to fall in place, just wait, and wait, then I would never have to worry. Sadly, I cant wait, because only the lucky ones and the losers wait, wait for their dreams to find them. Dont tell me to take it easy because its never easy, and dont tell me to not worry because I will never stop worrying. Yes, I can stop dwelling on this part of life and sleep through the night, thinking everything is perfect, but one day, just that one day, I would still have to return to this. And right now, all it takes is a step forward, a chance but I wished I knew how. Sadly, I dont.
Friends, I hope you do.
And maybe, just maybe one day, I could say -Im having a g-r-e-a-t life!-
Cause thats what we all are working towards, isnt it?
12:15 AM muacksbisous :) Y
