Saturday, September 30, 2006
ive always believed in achieving how much you put in, because for a reason or another, God is always fair in my mind, or at least im brought up believing in that. ironically, i know i think otherwise.
there are ppl who work so hard in their life and end up having nothing, yet there are people who need no effort to get what they want. is God fair??
sometimes i wonder which i group i should put myself in, and upon deep reflection, i realise im none of the two.
i mean i really dont remember the times i really did make an effort in my life to want something, all the while i was just fooled into thinking im working hard enough and hence i should deserve what i get. n perhaps because of this effortless life im leading, i was never rewarded with a great achievement, nor a great failure. i was always just there, hanging by the line. 2 frens reminded me of this horrible fact a week ago, and its only until now that i finally accept it, YES, i never did work hard enough to WANT. all i did was just to tap on my inborn ability to get by with my life.
sadly, i feeel too normal now, too normal that im startin to hate myself, i honestly do not want to become somebody who just die having nothing done in my life, not because i cant but because i never did try.
Is God fair? instead of pondering over this question, why not go in search of this answer? i guess a major part of your life should be spent looking for this key, this key that brings you enlightment or if you prefer, BLISS.
so while a million out there are working hard for something in their life, i just spent an entire day not doing anything, even though i know, theres so much waiting for me. YET AGAIN, im looking for the shortest way out to get by. last minute work would get me Bs but this time i know, i want As.
or do i??
the fact is, im scared, im too scared to fail to start working hard.
7:59 PM muacksbisous :) Y
Monday, September 25, 2006
kids are soooooo interesting. i mean they are really cute, of course especially when they respond to you.
the way things look so small in their hands, or how short their legs or fingers are, or even the way they just laugh out loud like nobodys there, every single thing about them is simply AMAZING!
gosh, i love them.
12:42 AM muacksbisous :) Y
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Seeking the feeling of being accepted or being important is like one of everyones goal in life, and yet ironically, this feeling of existence is often being conferred to you by everyone else except for yourself. Secretly, everyone yearns to be the popular guy/girl in everywhere, where everyone wants to befriend you, or feel proud of knowing you. Yet, only one in many few actually succeed in being what i call a social magnet. And its as if an unwritten rule that being a social magnet gives you the power to confer the meaning of existence to everyone n anyone, that people actually do not feel alive not being a friend of THE social magnet. Obviously this is so not true, and anyone past that stage would have realized it, and would have realized how simply anyone around you could make you feel ALIVE or important. Be it friends, or passer bys, family members, or even someone you helped, these are people who give meaning to your life, people whom you made an impact on, and people whom you had actually influenced with that seemingly powerless power of yours. The point is, never underestimate the simplest thing in life, and never always look up towards the desirables, when you have the time, do look back, do turn around and look at the people who once appeared in your life, people who once stood by you, the people whom you thought were never going to be important at all. Friends are people who just will cry at your funeral one day and feel sad and then they leave you behind like you never existed before, but family are those who will always remember that you once lived, and will continue to live in them despite your departure. The aim of my life is to meet this family, not the family related by blood, but friends whom have elevated to being my family, a family who will always believe in whatever i do, a family who will always forgive me whenever i fail them, a family whom i can always turn to whenever im in trouble. I believe in fate as much as i believe in relationships, and i will always continue in this quest of seeking my family members. and when that happens, i believe, its when i finally understand my existence in life, and that would be when i leave quietly and hopefully, leave a legacy behind.
And im proud to say that up to this stage of my life, i have if not had, found most of my family members, and to these guys and gurls, i hope you feel the same way too. Thanks for everything, and i mean everything.
And now that i
Have finally found that world
Who will be there for me eternally
My everlasting sun
Suddenly our destiny has started to unfold
When youre next to me
I can see the greatest story love has every told
I found my place in heaven by your side.
10:50 PM muacksbisous :) Y
Friday, September 22, 2006
long awaited holidays are finally here..alright though its like only one week. stills.
anyway..Elang test sucks like shit, think im lookin at an E. mugging doesnt help at ALL, i mean at ALL.
well.what-ever.
i know its a trap, yet i just cant help it.save me.
11:14 AM muacksbisous :) Y
Thursday, September 21, 2006
mugging till 4am yesterday for a test that i finished just in half n hour, i seriously wonder whether im wasting my time and sacrificing my beauty sleep. but oh wells, first uni test just now was ER sorta easy, which worries me like hell, cause thats when i usually make a hell lot of mistakes, and everybody does well except me, not to mention the results are based on a bell shaped curve. oh what-eve-r!
so nows mugging for the 2nd test tml.
sleepi-es mans.oh wat-eve-r!
9:12 AM muacksbisous :) Y
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
i took a MILLION years to read ONE chapter of Psychology.
im so DEAD.
12:06 AM muacksbisous :) Y
Monday, September 18, 2006
cranberry morphemes, systematic samples, cognitive learning, religion, singlish, danse diabolique, systematic samples, international phonetic associations, dreams, complex words
n
blah blah blah
they sum up my life. like a major SHUCKS.
4:47 PM muacksbisous :) Y
Sunday, September 10, 2006
im on my way to hell. like totally officially. seriously overwhelmed by so many stuff n i feel suffocated. i guess this is just stress, an old time fren i bidded goodbye since like dunno when.
things i have to do:
start reading psy soons.
concentrate on SS articles like soons.
start my Elang project sooners.
start deciphering chinese textbook which is like gods words.
prepare for stats exam even sooner.
start preparing for tutorials
get a puma jacket like soon soon soon
learn my new embrochure (tough)
get my concert funeral-like outfit sOOn with double OO.
start practising for concert
sell my concert tickets.
get more sleep
start entertaining my frens
buy macbook stuffs
stop going out till night cause i will FREAK out
go shopping though i have no time
pack my drawers
buy foolscape
stop thinking i have so much time
start gettin into school mode
get used to sleeping really late
i just need to pray for more time
despite all those, im ready for holidays.
10:37 PM muacksbisous :) Y
Monday, September 04, 2006
the past few days has really been a roller coaster.
first, i wanted to reward myself with a sony VAIO on my burfday which obviously did not happen due to various unforseen circumstances, in the end, i got a free macbook.
it sucks to know i once again bowed to reality, once again got defeated by the monster-with-a-paunch. wells. what could i say. try again next time. and i fell into frustration, on my burfday.
then on burfday night,i went steamboat with my fam at mount faber, had some laughs, felt much better, n saw some beaautiful night scenes. a rise in mood of course.
went into a peaceful sleep that night, still trying to get over the VAIO thing, or rather thinking of wways to get rid of the free macbook and top up to get a VAIO for myself. i think i did sleeptalk that night.
waking up to realise i haven found a solution and it sucks like shit. hestitantly getting myself ready to go out to meet the gurls when mz messaged me and says she will be late. i was just frustrated enough.
just when i was still deep in thought trying to figure my way out of this laptop mess and waiting for lee mz to change and prepare. my doorbell rang and 2 gurls sprang out of nowhere with my burfday present. my mood suddenly shot to a high and i swear i almost cried. partly because i was like touched, but rather, because they appeared like angels when i was still in a mess and when i was still really very angry with THE paunch-monster.
the day continued at new york new york where we gouged down some chicken and fish, some chocolate-ty stuff and coffee, and of course, the never to be missed photo sessions. self i mean. its not really how the photos turn out, but rather the process of taking photos, it sometimes can be so funny and so UNGLAM! i mean UNGLAM, like how sam would just like to click without notice and when i was talking, or how mz tries ways to make her face look the smallest in the pics, ok whatever it is. we look like idiots trying to get the restaurants name in the pic or squeezing to one side of the table for a group photo while the waiter was looking for a chance to pass us the bill we asked for. still, these are the very much sort-after memories that makes my day. finally, the day ended with movie devil wears prada where we were treated with a range of branded beaaaaaaautiful chains, coats, handbags blah blah blah, well i mean our eyes feasted on it, and it just gave a punch in me, and i realise, i really do need a lot of money! wOo..
one good thing did come out of these days, without the financial burden to buy my dream VAIO, it means i have money again, it also means i can finally go to bugis to buy the chain necklaces i wanted to buy, the tops i wanted to buy, the bags i wanted to buy, the many many many things i said i wanted to buy which i did not. yays-ables.
well, the roller coaster has ended and its high time i prepare for mid term.
on a last note, a big THANKS to my gurlfrens, sam and mz, for appearing like angels when i was like down and jinxed. its great to know you found life time friends who would go to lengths for you and make you happy, though i doubt they know i wasnt. its been years of ups and downs, of growing older together, getting jinxed together, bitching together, playing around together, times may come we change and part,but i will always remember the things we do, the STUFFS we ate, the people we hated, and the shoppings n outings we had. well in anway, i totally love-ed the gift, just because it reminds me of you guys.
May days of sadness be filled with laughable memories of us being the way we were. cheers to eternal friendships and never ending laughter. yay yay yay, its just hip hip hoorays. im officially nineteen.
6:54 PM muacksbisous :) Y
Friday, September 01, 2006
just a little mention! chi module suck like shit. its not even chinese. thank god viv is there to play tic tac toe with me, and a sky-shit person to bitch about.if not, im so in hell.. yupPie.
n band is fun. yes, it is.
12:11 AM muacksbisous :) Y
