1,2,3, this is gonna be long. so dont ask me to "dont complain" its IMPOSSIBLE, my stress level is so high that psychologist have sufficient enough reasons to predict that i have suicidal thoughts.ok so here goes:
i need to escape my "insomnia" of only getting to sleep at 3 average-ly ever night n having to wake up early in the damn morning just to catch the forever-dont-come bus, not only am i looking more and more haggard, im feeling more and more lethargic, getting more and more tempremental, and having more and more weird moments in campus i f only u knew,what do i have to say but sleep deprivation is indeed a T-O-r-T-U-r-E, with a big T.
i stare at that same road lane every day in the damn morning waiting for perhaps a harworking enough bus uncle to drive in the 963, and no matter how early i end up in the busstop, i never did made it for any class on time, and i mean on time, not damn early or damn late. is it me or the bus? and yet, i never fail to arrive at THAT same busstop staring at THAT same lane waiting for that SAME bus at the same DAMN morning everyday. why? i dunno. dont ask me. dont even bother to. i noe i can take 184/75 too but i just dont. why? i dunno. dont ask me. dont even bother to. its just a big F-R-u-S-t-r-A-tion with a big F.
and then i head to school everyday without having enough sleep, not feeling happy enough, only to meet the cannot-understand-social-psych-lecturer frm china, with my ears bleeding everytime after her lessons, or the taxi-driver-look-alike maths leccturer with his KUKU lame jokes, or the new media lectures which had me alert only everytime she tries to pinpoint anybody to answer her stupid questions. all ONLY coming to one single conclusion : BORING. the lectures are superb man.. super BORING, so boring i can fall asleep anytime. the only consolation i get is my dear french class, which half the time im trying to catch what the teacher is saying or im trying to figure what the new french sentence means. dont they bother to add ENGLISH inside the french text? indeed, what a consolation. the modules are reeeeally big M-i-S-t-a-K-e with a big M.
not to mention the project im handling for NUSPsyche society. not only do u have to make decisions, you have to make decisions that pleases everyone, like EVERYONE in the club, the so called you-decide-loh-since-you-r-the-projectdirector is bullshit, BULLSHIT. its only an excuse to make u the scapegoat for any mistakes or problems. politics, critisms, gossips, backstabbbing, facets, lies, irresponsibilities, whatever man, why did i ever get involved in the bloody first place? why? why? i dunno. dont ask me. i can only conclude its all B-U-L-L-s-H-i-T with a big big B.
and theres band. ok dwong lessons were great, i learn a lot A LOT. but hey, this is solely the only force that keeps me in band. why? because honestly, i feel damn strange n unhomely everytime theres band prac. it SUCK k. but i want to play. so how? i dunno. i dunno. i dunno. its just too C-O-M-P-L-I-C-A-T-E-D, with a big C.
n you know whats the I-R-O-N-Y?
i noe i can sleep earlier if i dun watch my TV.
i noe i can reach my class earlier than anybody else if i bothered to.
i noe i can make it for this sem if only i study HARD enough.
i noe i can please everyone in NUSPsyche if i just knew how to be a hypocrite.
i noe i can enjoy band if i go and say hi to everyone.
So,
when is my JB shopping appointment or my long awaited tennis game?
when is my beach outing?
when is my high tea?
when are my DIY days?
when are my slacking moments?
when are my alone time?
when is my SIMPLE LUNCH?
u tell me , where where WHERE! i miss sem 1, really.
TORTURE, FRUSTRATION, MISTAKES, BULLSHITS, COMPLICATION, IRONY
such is life.
i wish i could just shut down for now s a v e m e
