Im heading home.

yes, indeed i am. and that thought shudders me. how will things be like at home? sureee, it'll definitely not be the same, and THAT certainly indicates that change will come, and boy, carol liew hates changes. she simply cant deal with it. face it, she cant.

shes so comfortable with her life right now she dont feel like moving anywhere anymore. the idea of being so close with her new found friends, relying on them for every aspect of life she can, being able to enjoy the freedom of doing anything in the world she wants, learning from every single thing she come across every day, sipping on the coffee in that particular cafe, planning on going here going there as and when she wants, all on her own expense, she simply doesnt want it to stop.

maybe this resembles adulthood, or maybe not. money is running out, and new restrictions have entered her life. maybe she cant finish all the things she set out to do, maybe she'll face some disappointments. But, when the 2 months time is up.. its up. she'll head home.even knowing that she'll lose the freedom she have here, even knowing that she'll need to work doubly hard in school next sem, even knowing that since the day she flew off from singapore, she had already sacrificed that certain amount of things that she know she'll never get it back. even knowing everything of these things. she'll head home.

and then she'll fight. she'll fight for the things she want in her life.she'll fight for how she want her future to be like. she'll muster up all the courage she have learnt from the trip to fight. to fight for the next destination. maybe she'll win, or maybe, she'll lose. but at least we hope.. that shes having a clearer picture of what she wants now. fear no more my friend. for fear is nothing but a mere illusion.

the impact of distance with everything back at home has just kicked in. when the selfish her has enjoyed enough of everything by herself, the idea of home seems more than a punch on her face. indeed, reality sets in. she wants to have the best of both worlds, but that we know, its impossible. some things have to go. and what, my dear, may these things be? she'll find out in 2 months time.even though she is having the slightest hint of what they are now.

it scares the hell out of her.
she is afterall, not too confident a person as everybody may think she is.

she isnt. really.